I’m writing this post because today I decided to take the plunge and buy a ticket to the Brit Mums Live 2016 event. For weeks, I’ve been hovering over the ‘buy’ button and then each time stopped myself. Why? Confidence.
Ever since my late teens, I’ve struggled with confidence, as I’m sure a lot of girls do. How many times have you held back 10 minutes just to make sure your friend is definitely at the party when you arrive? Or pretended to look at your phone as you wait for your boyfriend to arrive? Or just said no to a social gathering as you know you’re just not great with a crowd full of people you don’t know. In my twenties it got better, but largely because I immersed myself in work and I also found my tribe in London…a group of girls who I think of as sisters. It did wonders for my confidence to have those people in my life who I knew would do anything for me, and just accepted me warts and all – I mean, they accept that I love cheese jokes and that I always get inexplicably tired when I’ve had a few drinks. Now that’s love right there.
When I became a mum, I felt like I spiralled right back to my late teens. Meeting new mums felt like being at school again. You’d walk into a baby group and there would be cliques of mums who knew each other. After 6 months of getting to know each other, I just didn’t fit in. I hadn’t found my tribe and it’s partly down to my confidence to just be myself, let it all hang out and not worry so much about what people think of me. There have been times when I felt openly judged for how I parent Emma, and it made me sad that some women do this to each other.
Then, quite recently, I started writing this blog. It’s been cathartic to just write what I think – but also at times nerve-wracking as it’s a little piece of me that I’ve never shared before. I somehow stumbled across the wonderful Katie aka Mummy In A Tutu’s post who was advertising for a tribe. I read the post and comments, and was so touched that some bloggers who to me seem so confident and assured in their writing, feel a little bit the same. Because we all need support don’t we? In the last month I’ve joined their #Tribalchat Twitter group on Tuesday evenings at 8pm and they have welcomed me with open arms to their community. This group of bloggers are such wonderful girls and I feel so grateful to be included in their tribe. There’s no competition, jealousy or judgement – it’s a group of bloggers supporting each other, which I think is pretty awesome.
Today, once again I was hovering over that ‘buy’ button. My other half said to me “what’s the worst that could happen?” I know he’s right, but something makes my heart skip a beat when I think of being in a room with so many people I don’t know. It makes me nervous! But you know what? I want to meet some of my lovely tribesters. I want to say to my under-confidence, f**k you, I am doing this! (and a V+T always makes any social event a teeny bit easier right!) So I did it, and it feels great. It made me think I should probably say yes to more things in the future.
Who else is coming to #BML16?