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Being A Step Mum

I’m a step-mum, even though I hate calling myself that because it conjures up images of an evil step-mother that I sincerely hope I am not! My relationship with my step-son is very special to me. When we met we took things really slow, as I never wanted to just impose myself in his life. I also very much wanted him to still have his weekend time with his Dad. Gradually over time, we got to know each other and enjoyed watching gameshows on Challenge and making fun of his Dad, who would pretend to not know what Instagram or Facebook was (he finds this highly amusing).

When we decided to have a baby, the worry surrounding my relationship with him grew. Because the love we have for each other is unlike a mother-son relationship. It’s conditional. He doesn’t have to love me, or even like me for that matter. He may choose one day to see me as the reason his parents aren’t together. These irrational worries would build up in my mind, as I could feel our little baby kick in my belly. I was faced with so many unknowns. So many questions I didn’t have the answers to.

Pregnant Mum- Source Unsplash

A year on, I often reminisce about those early days. The chaos of me trying so hard to crack it with the breastfeeding, while also feeling guilty that what would usually be a fun Saturday night was reduced to tears and tension. What I underestimated totally was the love that my step-son feels for our family. This is something that to this day blows me away and makes me feel so lucky. I had worried that it have made life too different, but in the end it was the best thing that happened to us.

There are no halves between the two of them. The only steps are the ones that lead up to our bedrooms. The first thing he ever said to his sister whilst holding her in hospital was “I love you” and that sums it all up. That bond they have is completely unique – he is still to this day the only person who can make our little lady laugh from her belly. He is utterly devoted to her, and we are all devoted to our family, the unit that makes us strong.

Step Mum - 2 kids

Sure, there have been times when it has been hard – it’s often a bit of a logistical juggling act and we’ve had to get even better than we thought we were at communicating. But I look around our little family and realise that everyone is trying hard to make it work, to make everyone under this roof happy. What makes it work is that little bit more patience here or there, an extra smile, or even just leaving the washing up for a moment so we can all chat together. It’s knowing that we didn’t have to be a happy family, we’ve chosen to be.

So what does being a step-mum mean to me? It means everything.

This post was first published on meetothermums.com



  1. June 8, 2016 / 8:22 am

    This is just lovely and actually a conditional love is something more special than unconditional in many ways. xx

    • June 12, 2016 / 8:49 am

      Thank you, I think you’re right – conditional love is something so special 🙂 xx

  2. June 8, 2016 / 9:00 am

    This is beautiful, and I admire you greatly. I see the way that my husband is with my son and I know that I couldn’t ask for anymore than for the man I love to love my child. Your Step son is so handsome too, I can just imagine the bond between the two of them, he reminds me a lot of my son. Gorgeous post as always. #BloggerClubUK

    • June 12, 2016 / 8:51 am

      Thank you for the gorgeous comment – I’m so touched that you enjoyed it, especially as it was such a personal one to write. It’s so funny as Lewis reminds me of my stepson too 🙂 xx

  3. June 8, 2016 / 7:02 pm

    This is beautifully put. Families are a lot more than coincidence of birth – they’re what we make of them. I hope the bond between your two continue.

    • June 12, 2016 / 8:52 am

      Thank you very much for the comment – it’s so true, I hope their bond continues too x

  4. June 8, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    Oh this is such a lovely post and nearly made me blub. I love your line about the ‘ steps are the ones that lead up to our bedrooms.’ Such a wonderful post, you clearly have an amazing family 🙂 #bloggerclubuk

    • June 8, 2016 / 8:23 pm

      Thank you lovely – it was one of those posts that makes you nervous pressing publish as it’s so personal xx

  5. June 9, 2016 / 7:57 am

    Bridie, this is gorgeous … what a wonderful family you have and agreed: conditional love is an even greater pleasure. Nearly made me cry. #stayclassy

    • June 12, 2016 / 8:53 am

      Thank you so much lovely lady – I’m really pleased you like it, it’s something very close to my heart and so appreciate the comment x

  6. June 9, 2016 / 8:23 am

    This is a beautiful post honey and shows what an amazing and loving Mum and Step Mum you are. It sounds like your family is full of love and positivity xx #stayclassy

    • June 12, 2016 / 8:54 am

      Aw Fi thank you so much, your comment means so much to me – I’m so glad you liked reading it xxx

  7. June 9, 2016 / 10:07 am

    Oh this is really lovely. It gave me goosebumps. It’s so nice to read about the special bond you all have. Beautiful.


    • June 12, 2016 / 8:55 am

      Thank you, so pleased you enjoyed reading – thank you for your comment x

  8. June 12, 2016 / 8:57 am

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates the ‘step’ label, I too think of us as just good friends! Thank you for your lovely comment x

  9. June 12, 2016 / 12:37 pm

    That’s really lovely, Bridie. Choosing to be a happy family is what it’s all about! It’s great that your step son is a great big brother. Sounds like you are doing a great job as step mum. Thanks so much for joining us at #BloggerClubUK

  10. June 16, 2016 / 6:19 am

    Bridge, I think this is one of your best posts. : ) It made me really emotional because I never had that connection with my Step Mom, she was there and then she was gone, barely remember her. The bond your Step son has with your daughter sounds unbreakable and beautiful. This was really beautiful post thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama.

  11. July 29, 2016 / 4:11 am

    How have I only just read this one? Such a beautiful and well-written post – as far as the stereotype of a step-mother goes, there’s also a stereotype for horrible step-children and this completely refutes that. I love the line about the halves and steps. Xx

  12. September 3, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    I’d be a proud if you were my step mum. Making it work is a two sided coin and it’s clear that your little family fits it well. Such a lovely post #tribsllove

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