A week and a half ago, I started a course that focused on eating, well-being and generally ME. Now there’s a change right? It’s actually the second time I’ve done this course. The first was back when Emma was five months old and I’m still not sure if I was going through a bit of anxiety towards being a full time mother, but I wasn’t ready for it. In short, I went nuts. I restricted what I ate, went overkill on the exercise. I needed to take a breather and in the meantime, sorted my sh!t out and tried again.
This is first and foremost what I love about Supercharged Club. You don’t quit. You might fail, but you can try again. If I’m honest, I’m mighty good at quitting things. So here I am, trying again. It’s only been 10 days and my word, it has been hard work. But work that I need to do – for me, for the children, for my other half, for everyone in my life really.
Spending some time thinking about my habits, what makes me happy. It was way harder than it looked – I wish I could just write down ‘putting lipstick on’ but it’s not that simple (it’s still a work in progress). I think I’ve always felt that it was not okay to fail. It’s almost hard to change that mindset within me, that it is perfectly okay, you just have to get back on and try. I can even see elements in Emma too, where she is so perfectionist that she won’t try anything unless she knows she can do it. Did I pass that onto her?
I’ve always found it painfully hard to be honest with myself, to ask myself what I really want. It’s so much easier to focus on everyone else around you. I’m not sure if this is a female thing, a mother thing but why is this so hard? When I was younger I would have said ‘to be slim’ I’m sure, having spent a lifetime of healthy eating following by impressive crisp marathons. But these days, it’s not about being slim (for me anyway). What I’m starting to see that what I those goalposts keep changing as I keep changing.
Then there’s my blog. My (other) baby. The project I started to reclaim a bit of ‘me’ back. How many times have I thought to myself that I wanted to give it all up. I don’t even want to think about it, as it’s countless times! When that self-doubt creeps in, it can all seem rather pointless. Except for it isn’t – I’m fiercely proud of what I’ve created and perhaps it just means I need to keep trying. It’s something that is important to me, and perhaps I need to put a little more value into other things in my life too.
So my work in progress, is, well…still in progress and meanwhile I am feeling rather positive about things. I’m focusing on different things – there are the things that make me smile each day. Then there are the things that are not so great. But I’m also vowing to myself that I will keep trying, keep practising. The most positive thing of all is to remind myself that there is no quick fix, no tah-dah and it’s all sorted. This stuff takes work, so I’m going to do the work.
This is not an ad but with huge thanks to Emma and Mary, the inspirational founders of Supercharged Club