It’s been a while…well about a year to be precise since I have written anything on my blog. I never even really documented it, but a year ago I decided to go back to work (again). It was something I knew I needed – working for myself just didn’t suit me and although being back in the career I used to be in can be challenging at times, I have not looked back. So I suppose my blog is now just for me and today I just felt like writing.
As is for any working parent, life is a juggle. At times it feels crazy and exhausting and other times I feel like I’m not giving 100% of myself at home or at work, but I think that’s okay. I think a lot of people feel like I do – we’re all just trying our best to do the best we can and not be late for pick up at nursery. We all find it difficult when your child is poorly for the whole week and you’re juggling work alongside keeping an eye on when the next dose of Calpol is due. But I finally feel like me again I suppose – and I like that a lot.
However, this job has been challenging – it has pushed me emotionally and I’ve realised that I am highly self-critical and need to let go of bad habits I hold, mainly talking to myself in a negative way. I’ve realised that while I try to be kind to everyone else around me, I’m actually not very kind to myself. I habitually apologise for everything, when I actually know I don’t need to. I don’t need to be sorry that I’m a mum, that I have a family – this is me and I have actually started to not care at all if you don’t like that.
So I started meditating daily using the Calm app…and it’s sort of been life-changing. I’ve learned that the negative things I say to myself are as much a habit as when I eat custard creams while making my dinner. A friend at work told me the other day that I should be proud of what I’ve achieved in the last year because I am experienced and need to value myself more. It was lovely, but made me feel sad I didn’t come to this realisation myself, if I’m honest.
It’s time to let go and just wait and see what the future has in store.