Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit rubbish about my weight and have been beating myself up about it. There I said it. I feel like the first step is admitting it to myself. Just as I often suffer from the blogger guilt, my healthy eating guilt has also come up to say hello. This guilt doesn’t care that sometimes I feel like a sleep deprived zombie, or that sometimes I only have 5 minutes to quickly eat lunch before we go to the park, so grabbing a cheese sandwich will always win. It chips away and pops up to say “I told you so” after I indulge a little too much.
I know what I need to do, as the science of losing weight is pretty obviously to all of us…and with all this summery weather and our holiday round the corner, the incentive is there. Further than this, when Emma was younger, I even successful tackled the healthy eating and exercise hurdle…even if I did get slightly obsessed with it at the time. But the fact is, I’m just not doing it. I know that eating a whole pack of chocolate fingers will make me feel rubbish but I do it anyway. As Joey once said in Friends “it’s like I have my cape, and yet I cannot fly”.
What I’ve realised, is that I need to start accepting my body how it is. When I went on my exercise mission, even though at the end of it, my tummy was looking pretty impressive, I still wasn’t happy. I still looked in the mirror and focused on my stretchmarks and belly button that looks so different to how it was before I had a baby. But I need to let that image of pre-baby me go. I really just need to accept how I am now and be proud. I know this is obvious – I mean, how many times have you seen that image saying that you should be proud of your stretchmarks, that you’re a tiger who earned her stripes. But it’s more complex than that for some people, isn’t it?
For me, it’s the pressure I put on myself. I know social media and the press show pictures of gorgeous women that have obviously been airbrushed but that’s not it. It’s me who has these high expectations of myself and feels guilty if I have a day when I just want to eat ALL the chips followed by ALL the cake. What I really need to do is just ease up a bit on that pressure and be a bit nicer to myself. So what if I choose to eat unhealthy for a few days, that was my choice and most of the time, it’s tied in with enjoying lovely time with family and friends. Absolutely nothing to be feeling bad about there!
So today I had a little wake up call, to stop feeling guilty about this and just get a bit of perspective. We’re always so hard on ourselves to nail every aspect of our lives, to do everything just right for ourselves and our families. I saw a beautiful post of Facebook yesterday that said to remind ourselves that however the day has gone, our babies think we are perfect. They focus on the amazing parts of their mummies and daddies and perhaps from time to time, we should all look at ourselves in the same way. Because the reality is that if Emma thinks I’m the perfect Mummy, that’s all I need.