I’m having one of those days where I’m finding it tough, where listening to ballads makes me cry. Emma’s refusal to eat her lunch really begins to get to me, as I realise I forgot to go to buy natural yoghurt and emergency Ella’s Kitchen pouches, and I’m crying inside as much as she’s crying on the outside. The changing room where we keep Emma’s clothes has somehow spilled out into the kitchen and there seems to be clothes everywhere – she has just moved up a size and I need to put some of her smaller clothes away.
I know this feeling well. I’m tired. I’ve been running on the adrenaline of making everything work and just getting on with it. It’s like I’ve just hit a brick wall.
But today I decided to surrender to it all. Instead of making myself busier, or brushing it aside – I’ve decided to let myself feel a bit sad. I always put so much pressure on myself to be happy all the time, and sometimes I just need a moment. And so, on this incredibly sunny day, I decided to come to the Royal Pavillion Gardens to just breathe and reset. Besides we’re well over half-way of my OH’s time away, this alone should be able to make me smile!
I know this is a slightly unusual post – it’s shorter and doesn’t have as much focus. But what I want to remember is what came after the moments I wrote about above. I met my good friend and went for a walk along the seafront. I didn’t talk about any of this, but being with her made me feel sunnier. Chatting and laughing together made all the difference, as did seeing the sun glisten on top of the sea. We didn’t spend that long together but it was lovely.
When I arrived home to see Emma, she was in pain from the constant teething that must be really hurting her. She jumped into my arms and lay her head on my shoulder. We both took a nap and afterwards we had an equally frustrating and tear-filled dinner time. But this time I smiled and told her it would be ok, the pain wouldn’t be there for long and we managed to find bits of food she wanted to eat. And after dinner she was so happy, laughing as I tickled her in the ribs and even happier when she saw her brother return from football.
I’m still worried about the same things I was consumed with this morning – but my moment of reflection has just shifted my perspective on it for a moment. Who knows what is in store for tomorrow but I’m ready for it.