Yesterday I was chatting away to Emma as usual and suddenly she started saying “mummmma” repeatedly, and then when I said her name, she kept repeating it back to me. I was so proud, I almost cried!! It’s been a few months since she’s started making babbling sounds and to hear her voice for the first time was magical and so special. My first instinct was to share it with the world (Facebook), but I stopped myself.
I’ve had many moments over the past year that I was insanely proud of Emma. It started when we got to her 1 month birthday and we whipped out our milestone cards to take a picture, which we shared with our friends. At the time, it was a huge milestone – we had spent the last month in a whirlwind of broken sleep, chaos, tears and endless self-questioning whether we are doing ok as parents. To get to 1 month was huge! But after a few ‘shares’ to our friends, I started to feel a bit uneasy. The insecure part of me wondered whether my friends felt I had changed completely, lost myself to my baby. I started to share less, but not because I wanted to, but because of the many people on my contacts list who are in a totally different place to me.
It made me feel a bit sad that I was doing this – that I cared too much about what people were thinking of me. I couldn’t help it – I didn’t want people to think I was boring now, or I had changed from the V+T guzzler I used to be, or that I was no fun anymore. But then I realised that this energy wasted on worrying about it, was so unproductive as I can’t control what people think of me, or what other’s might say. All I can do is have faith that I’m happy with my life and doing everything as best I can.
One great thing that comes with being a mum is confidence. It’s the confidence to know when to give medicine, when to put them down for a nap before they are wired, what to feed them, how much water to give them, when to put extra layers on. And now I have the confidence to say that yesterday my baby girl said her first word and I was so proud of her. No holding back anymore, because reaching these little milestones with Emma is one of the greatest achievements in my life.
So from now on, I plan to enjoy those proud mummy moments and won’t be shy to share them. We’re all at different stages of our lives, and need to enjoy sharing different moments together without worrying that it makes you look a certain way. There’s always so much to worry about in life that sometimes you need a reminder to stop and just enjoy these little moments because they won’t happen again. I’m really lucky to be off work at the moment to be with Emma and want to enjoy every little moment, every ‘first’ together as I know it may not last forever. Have confidence in yourself because you’re awesome and doing great – that’s always something to be proud of.
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