On Saturday night I went to bed and although I was tired, my eyes were wide open. Because moments before, I had heard about the London Bridge Terrorist Attacks. I was horrified. That same bridge where I’ve caught the train to Brighton numerous times, where I used to work for a while. Tower Bridge is one of my favourite places in London and Borough Market is where my other half used to take me for dinner to our favourite Turkish restaurant. I know this is not about me, but I can’t help but make that connection. I can’t help but admit to myself that this feels so very real.
On March 22nd 2017, when there was a terrorist attack in Westminster, I was overwhelmed by feelings of protectiveness and anger towards the attack on this city, London, which has been part of my life always. As I was growing up, it was where we’d be taken on a family day out to the theatre. In my twenties, it was my home. I would not think anything of going in and out of Central London and so often had to do so for work. London is a part of me and an attack on this city makes me feel numb, vulnerable and at a complete loss. It’s easy to say ‘carry on as normal’ – we all know that in practice it’s a very different matter.
Then there’s Emma. How will I explain to her why these atrocities happen? All day we teach her to be kind, to be gentle with others and that people are inherently good. But this – this I can’t explain. I’m glad she’s too young to know what is happening around us, that to me the world doesn’t quite make sense anymore. I’m not ready for it yet – I’m not ready to find the right way to tell her that there are some bad people in the world, who want to hurt others senselessly. On Sunday morning, as we munched on dry Cheerios and watched Octonauts – I held her tight and she looked at me all confused as to why Mummy was feeling slightly odd, why Mummy couldn’t carry on as normal.
I choose hope and positivity. I choose to see the good and the kindness to get through this. We have to, don’t we? I have to believe that there is more good in this world than bad. And I truly do. I live in hope that the world will be better some day, that when Emma grows up it will be different. But really, I’m overcome with worry that these recent attacks on the country we live in is a sign of things to come. Some things will always be out of our control and that worries me so very much.
Above all, I hope that love will rise about anything else. I hope that in years to come, I’ll wonder why I worried so much about our future. But the reality is, I’m not so sure.
My love and thoughts go out to all affected by the London Bridge and Borough Market terrorist attacks
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