For the past 14 months, Emma has been by our side and there’s only been 1 night when one of us weren’t with her. We made the decision yesterday to move her into her own room, after months of trying hard to get her room sorted. So we did it, and although I’ve written almost a month ago about my excitement at thinking “I can now read in bed!!” and “we don’t have to whisper as we say good night to each other”, I’m left feeling a little sad not to be able to look over and see her sleeping.
The project to get her room ready has taken us about 6 months, for various reasons – mostly financial to be honest. We moved into our house a year ago and the months afterwards really hurt as the mortgage was taken each month, after swallowing the lawyer, estate agent and moving fees. I wonder if everyone feels the same way, that real pinch after moving somewhere new…but soon enough things settled down. As soon as we could, we set to work at stripping and painting Emma’s room, only to find a hole in the wall and an even bigger hole by the window pane (ohh that’s why it’s freeeeezing in here!). So a plasterer, painter, carpet and blind fitter later, it is done. She is in!
It struck me that last night – our first night in separate bedrooms – felt like that first night in hospital. Brand new. An odd feeling that I wasn’t used to and I found myself thinking “well what am I supposed to do now?”. I look across the room and see an empty, rectangular shaped gap where the cot used to be, and instantly feel sad. Just like that first night together in the noisy hospital, I can’t relax and although I am exhausted, my eyes feel like they are being pried open. I know this feeling won’t last for long, soon enough we will have found use for the extra space and I’ll be glad for the time on my own, something I have been longing for. This moment reminds me of a poem I once saw on Facebook about you never knowing when it will be the last moment, to treasure those moments because they won’t last forever. When I read it, I cried like a baby, and vowed that I would start appreciating every single moment. But of course you can’t, everyone is human and everyone feels tired and frustrated as the long days and little sleep take their toll. The two nights before our big move, I slept in our stepson’s room as I was feeling flu-ey and my other half wanted to give me a break. And now she’s in a different room altogether! How very strange.
So here’s to the next chapter and more sleep (the two words I utter almost every day!). As it turns out, last night went surprisingly well and I think Emma is quite enjoying her own space. She’s always been an independent soul and she almost seems relieved when we put her in the cot! And don’t get me wrong, I know there will be many nights to come when she’ll crawl into our bed and kick me in the boob, while sitting on my face…but for now, it feels wonderful to settle into something new.