My Job Has Flex…But It’s Not Working

The other week I made a big decision – I was asked if I’d like to renew my current TV contract but for the first time in my life, I turned it down. I realised that this job isn’t really right for me, or our family. It’s been five months now since I returned to work and as I think back, it was a bit of a crossroads that I wasn’t fully prepared for. I was excited to do something new, to try and get back to where I was career-wise. But I’ve realised that now I’m a parent, work is more than just a job and it’s time to do something about it. 

When it isn’t about the Flex

I’ve been incredibly lucky that I work with a lovely team of people, who are supportive and understanding of the fact that I am a mother. They make it really easy; last week when Emma was poorly, my boss was the first to say that I should stay at home to be with Emma. Sometimes I look around me at work and realise how rare this situation is – almost a dream come true. I know so many people that do not have this and a huge part of me feels like a fool for closing the door on that.

It will always come down to what I want. Before I had kids, I was so driven in my current job – I loved the fast-paced nature of TV work, the ever-changing schedules and demands of the production. I was entirely committed to the job, no matter what it took and however crazy that sounds. But after months of returning to the same job  I’ve always loved, I am realising that it’s not what I enjoy anymore. For weeks I thought it was my baby brain, or working in a  digital, online arena making me feel this way. But it’s now clear, I have changed.

Aerial shot of tulips

New Beginnings

So I said no and when anyone askes me what I’m going to do after my contract ends, I get incredibly nervous. Because the truth is I don’t know, and that scares me. I’ve always been someone who needs to have a plan – the very nature of my job – but for once I don’t have one and that feels quite good. Thanks to my blog, I have a sense of which things I enjoy and am learning about the different paths I could take…and I’m just hoping it will all work out somehow.

Situations like this always remind me of the finale episode of Friends when Rachel moves to Paris. She calls it ‘good scared’ and that’s exactly how I feel – bricking it but in a way that makes me pumped and excited for what could be. It’s how I felt when I was pregnant, stepping into a new phase; a complete unknown at how I’ll crack it and find my way. Slow baby steps forward, but doing something I’m really passionate about.
I’m embracing the new ‘me’ – maybe I have completely changed and didn’t realise. I’m in a new phase of my life and the first thing I always try to do is be honest with myself. Because now every decision I make isn’t just about me; it’s also about our family too and admitting to myself that I just find the logistics of commuting to London so stressful. I have to remind myself that it’s not a failing to admit it’s not working. The next step is ‘onwards’ and there’s a lot to smile about because a blank canvas, a new start is just what I need right now.

Cuddle Fairy

Diary of an imperfect mum

Mummuddlingthrough

44 Comments

  1. March 8, 2017 / 11:09 am

    Wonderful post lovely. What an amazing and strong attitude to have! You’ll be brillliant in absolutely whatever you’re destined for next xx

    • March 8, 2017 / 11:19 am

      Oh thank you lovely, you’re always so supportive. What a scary time but exciting too! xx

  2. March 8, 2017 / 11:37 am

    Its amazing how motherhood changes you isnt it? Totally agree with you on the good scared too. Good luck – you will be fine x

  3. March 8, 2017 / 12:47 pm

    Onto the next chapter for you- which you will rock at I am sure!

    I went through this too. After a few kids my career didn’t quite fit right, square peg and round hole kind of thing.

    #bloggerclubuk
    kristin mccarthy recently posted…Popular Songs That Can Just Die NowMy Profile

    • March 8, 2017 / 12:48 pm

      Definitely agree….in theory it should work but it just doesn’t! Thank you, I hope it is the start of something good x

  4. March 8, 2017 / 1:10 pm

    It’s not all about the flexibility is it. There’s just so much more about working and motherhood. It sounds like you had a lovely group of people to work with though.
    This next step will be very exciting. An adventure. Good luck. #bloggerclubuk

  5. March 8, 2017 / 1:31 pm

    Fab post and literary sums up exactly how I’m feeling and what I’ve done too. I’m excited scared about the next chapter, but also bricking it too! I could have written this post word for word, but too scared in case anyone at work sees it. Good luck for the future hun, it’s funny how blogging has opened our eyes. Claire x
    The Pramshed recently posted…How we survived the 4-month sleep regressionMy Profile

  6. March 8, 2017 / 2:42 pm

    What a wonderful feeling to be good scared. Hope it works out for you all but I know you’ve done the right thing following your heart ❤️

    • March 8, 2017 / 7:47 pm

      Yaaaay! Freelance scaredy cats together – we should meet for coffee ahem working mornings 🙂 Thank you lovely, really appreciate your support. So excited for you too! xxx

    • March 8, 2017 / 7:46 pm

      Oh thank you so much lovely, that means so much xx

  7. March 8, 2017 / 8:35 pm

    Well done for being brave enough to make the decision that will be best for your family! Parenthood is such a huge change and I have changed a lot since having J and this was reflected in my need for my work to now work around my family not for me to work around my career. Good luck with whatever direction you take next x

    • March 8, 2017 / 9:16 pm

      Thank you so much, it’s so surprising just how much parenthood changes everything and the type of work I now want is completely different! x

  8. March 8, 2017 / 8:51 pm

    Good luck on your journey! It’s so brave to take a step into the great unknown, even when you know that you’re current situation isn’t working for you. I wish I had the guts to take the plunge like you, but we’re a bit too reliant on my paychecks right now. Maybe someday…
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…How crap TV got me through the newborn daysMy Profile

    • March 8, 2017 / 9:12 pm

      Thank you, it does feel a bit scary but hopefully it will lead to something that suits us a bit better. And I suppose it’s never a completely closed door if it was a terrible idea in the end 🙂

  9. March 8, 2017 / 9:11 pm

    Thank you lovely, I really appreciate your comment! I guess now I know hey 🙂 and time for a change to find something that suits us better! xx

  10. March 8, 2017 / 9:38 pm

    I’m so in awe of you, you are so brave! I love that you recognise your job isn’t working for you right now, and so pleased that you can do something about it. I wish you the best of luck in whatever the future holds for you, I’m very excited to find out where life leads you next xx

  11. March 8, 2017 / 9:47 pm

    I quit my job in June because it just wasn’t working out and I was part time. I hadn’t started my blog by then, and now I’m trying to make a little bit from that just to help me feel a bit less guilty about spending my husbands money. But on the whole it’s the best decision for us. They’re only little once, and if you can do it, even if it’s scary and it’s still all a massive juggle, it’s worth it. Good luck! you’ve got a great blog and following and loads of skills so I’m sure you’ll rock whatever you end up doing xx
    Susie at This Is Me Now recently posted…Recipe of the week: Beef Stilton and Red Wine PieMy Profile

  12. March 8, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    Ah I’m kinda sorry to read this, having followed your work progress through your blog, but also kinda excited for you at the same time too. I’m sure you will be wonderful at whatever you turn your hand to and it’ll all work out in the end! xxx
    Mrs Lighty recently posted…Judge Less, Empower MoreMy Profile

  13. March 8, 2017 / 10:42 pm

    I’m so excited for you. To see what you will do next. I’m sure you’ll rock it no matter what. And just think, no panicking to get home to Emma each night as you’ll already be there. Good for you!
    Jaki recently posted…6 Things Celebs Can Teach Us About Fancy DressMy Profile

  14. March 9, 2017 / 9:07 am

    I love your positive outlook, Bridie! Yep the world of tv is exciting but all so consuming and it is so hard to find that work life balance. Good for you for being brave enough to make it happen and I’m sure it will lead down a happy path for you and your family. #coolmumclub

  15. March 9, 2017 / 9:20 am

    Oh well done you for having given it a go and worked out what you don’t want. Sometimes we are so set on what we do want we don’t stop to consider what we don’t – oh I wish you all the very best and I’m sure you will find what works for you lovely #ablogginggoodtime
    justsayingmum recently posted…This Social Media World I’m InMy Profile

  16. March 9, 2017 / 10:01 am

    I think it’s great that you’ve highlighted that sometimes an employer offering flex working hours isn’t the only deciding factor in returning to, or staying at, work. It’s great that more employers are offering flex hours, but sometimes there’s just more to it. #StayClassyMama

  17. March 9, 2017 / 10:02 am

    We’re at a crossroads too as Mrs B has returned to work and childcare costs are going to eat up the equivalent of my income. Sometimes we just have to take a chance. You’ve got loads of experience and skills that could lead to a new life built around your family. Follow your heart. 🙂

  18. March 9, 2017 / 10:22 am

    Babies changes a person, your life and your priorities. It is scary, but great. I carried on working still for 2 1/2 years after mine was born. But I lost so much of myself (and her) in all the rushing that I stopped. And the change brought wonderful other opportunities that allow me to be me and support my family. Good luck. #stayclassymama

  19. March 9, 2017 / 11:31 am

    Wow a blank canvas is the most wonderful thing in the world. I’m so pleased you tried it, and decided it wasn’t right for you and were brave enough to step away to whatever the next chapter brings. Wishing you all the luck in the world lovely xoxo

  20. March 9, 2017 / 11:43 am

    I love this post in so many ways. First for your beautiful open style of writing and second because I am feeling so many of these things, anxious relieved etc. I handed my notice in Friday, not because the working hours are not flexible but because the job is so challenging. You cant do it ALL as a parent and not miss out on stuff, find things hard. It is hard to sit down and say you know what this is not working but mothers are storing, it takes courage. I applaud you my lovely! Thank you for linking to #Stayclassymama xx

  21. March 9, 2017 / 1:59 pm

    Yes, Bridie! I’m so excited for you and your new chapter!

    I remember reading your posts as you were debating going back to work (and I know you’ve just read mine about the crossroads I’m at). I think it’s great that you went for it. Now you know for certain that your passions and priorities have changed. I think it’s fab that you feel that so clearly now that you need something else. I understand that it must be frightening not to know what the next step is but, as you say, it’s ‘good scared’ #ablogginggoodtime
    Lucy At Home recently posted…When Discrimination Strikes: The Curse Of Being TallMy Profile

  22. March 9, 2017 / 2:26 pm

    Such an exciting time for you and I wholeheartedly agree. My daughters are teens now but I bitterly regret missing out on all those years that I worked demanding full-time hours away from them.

    I’m actually resigning from my safe yet inflexible office role in social and content marketing next week. I have no Plan B nor steady income but my youngest girl needs me more than ever so it’s time to take a leap and pray that freelance works out for me! (I hope my family likes beans on toast 😉 )

    Good luck lovely xx

  23. March 9, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    Go you! It’s always best to put your family first, whether than be staying at home or working. I’m about to start maternity leave for the second time and then will see where life takes me for a bit. It’s so great having a blog that you love creating, a focus from home 🙂 #ablogginggoodtime

    Helen x

  24. March 9, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    Eeek! This must be a scary but exciting time for you!! Motherhood does change you, in ways that we haven’t even realised yet, and I think it’s all about finding out what’s working for you and your family. For me, the best scenario was for me to be at home, and luckily I have my blog on the side to tide me over, but as the children grow things may change, and I have no idea where that may take me! Good luck with it all, I’m sure you will make a success of whatever it is you decide to do! #stayclassymama
    five little doves recently posted…Why we chose not to announce our pregnancyMy Profile

  25. March 10, 2017 / 9:21 pm

    Oh my goodness, you are not failing you have just made a huge decision to do something new. I would say thats achieving in my book. I wish I was that brave! I am sure you will succeed at whatever it is you pursue xx #Bloggerclubuk
    mudpie fridays recently posted…Alder Hey Children’s Charity AppealMy Profile

  26. March 11, 2017 / 11:53 pm

    Good luck with whatever you end up doing. Motherhood does change us

  27. March 12, 2017 / 10:08 am

    Good luck with your next step. I’ll be excited to hear about what you do next. It was very brave to not renew your contract. It’s really tough realising you’ve changed and you have a new focus. I find the commute tolerable…until it goes wrong. I couldn’t do it more than 3 days a week though. I’m also feeling really torn this week as I’ve had to take time off to care for Little H with chicken pox. I need to to back to the office on Tuesday really but I don’t really want to leave her. It’s tough being a mum and even considering a career…

    Enjoy every minute of whatever the future holds!
    Angela Watling recently posted…My Top 10 Online Reads #10My Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge