Staring At The Empty Gap

For the past 14 months, Emma has been by our side and there’s only been 1 night when one of us weren’t with her. We made the decision yesterday to move her into her own room, after months of trying hard to get her room sorted. So we did it, and although I’ve written almost a month ago about my excitement at thinking “I can now read in bed!!” and “we don’t have to whisper as we say good night to each other”, I’m left feeling a little sad not to be able to look over and see her sleeping.

Emma sleeping on her front, curled up in a ball. Her favourite sleeping position!

Emma’s preferred sleeping position

The project to get her room ready has taken us about 6 months, for various reasons – mostly financial to be honest. We moved into our house a year ago and the months afterwards really hurt as the mortgage was taken each month, after swallowing the lawyer, estate agent and moving fees. I wonder if everyone feels the same way, that real pinch after moving somewhere new…but soon enough things settled down. As soon as we could, we set to work at stripping and painting Emma’s room, only to find a hole in the wall and an even bigger hole by the window pane (ohh that’s why it’s freeeeezing in here!). So a plasterer, painter, carpet and blind fitter later, it is done. She is in!

It struck me that last night – our first night in separate bedrooms – felt like that first night in hospital. Brand new. An odd feeling that I wasn’t used to and I found myself thinking “well what am I supposed to do now?”. I look across the room and see an empty, rectangular shaped gap where the cot used to be, and instantly feel sad. Just like that first night together in the noisy hospital, I can’t relax and although I am exhausted, my eyes feel like they are being pried open. I know this feeling won’t last for long, soon enough we will have found use for the extra space and I’ll be glad for the time on my own, something I have been longing for. This moment reminds me of a poem I once saw on Facebook about you never knowing when it will be the last moment, to treasure those moments because they won’t last forever. When I read it, I cried like a baby, and vowed that I would start appreciating every single moment. But of course you can’t, everyone is human and everyone feels tired and frustrated as the long days and little sleep take their toll. The two nights before our big move, I slept in our stepson’s room as I was feeling flu-ey and my other half wanted to give me a break. And now she’s in a different room altogether! How very strange.

Stock image of a crumpled bed, low light

So here’s to the next chapter and more sleep (the two words I utter almost every day!). As it turns out, last night went surprisingly well and I think Emma is quite enjoying her own space. She’s always been an independent soul and she almost seems relieved when we put her in the cot! And don’t get me wrong, I know there will be many nights to come when she’ll crawl into our bed and kick me in the boob, while sitting on my face…but for now, it feels wonderful to settle into something new.

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    • July 4, 2016 / 11:01 am

      Thank you lovely – I’m so pleased too, it’s such a relief! Xx

  1. July 4, 2016 / 8:51 am

    It must be hard moving your child to another room. We only have one bedroom house, so A is in with us until we can move. I feel bad leaving her in her cot while we’re in other parts of the house, let alone putting her in her own room. It’ll be a challenge for sure. #TribalLove
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    • July 4, 2016 / 11:00 am

      Thank you lovely – we moved when Emma was 4 months and it was a challenge but when I look back it was great living somewhere cosy when she was young. I think it made her very secure..thank you for reading xx

  2. July 4, 2016 / 9:11 am

    Next chapter and more sleep. Hope she transitions well for you; you, too! #bigpinklink

  3. July 4, 2016 / 9:57 am

    So glad that Emma enjoyed her first night in her own room – it is such a big step and it takes a bit of getting used to. I remember staring at that empty gap when Jessica first moved into her own room and feeling a bit sad too – but it was nice to be able to have the light on again and read in bed! 🙂 #triballove
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    • July 4, 2016 / 10:54 am

      The light on is a massive advantage! Usually I’m stumbling around for something that can pass as PJ’s! Thank you for the lovely comment x

  4. July 4, 2016 / 9:59 am

    I remember when we put R in his own room – I didn’t turn the monitor volume up and he woke me up screaming his head off. I felt awful, but I had gone into such a deep sleep without him there! Not that I wasn’t in the room every hour anyway…#bigpinklink
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    • July 4, 2016 / 10:01 am

      Aww it’s such a big step on both sides, I was in there every hour for sure just to make sure…x

  5. July 4, 2016 / 10:26 am

    Awww, I felt exactly the same when Youngest had to leave our room. I loved having her in the same room as us, sometimes I still let her in our room for sleeps. I’m glad the first night went well. Also I understand the pinch after buying a house. You have this lovely house but it feels like you can’t make it your own for months as you have no money left!! xx
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    • July 4, 2016 / 10:51 am

      So true, it’s such an amazing feeling to get the house and then you realise there’s no money left!! Thanks for commenting lovely xx

  6. July 4, 2016 / 10:42 am

    SO good to see that she had a good night! It must have been such a relief. I am plannig to have Baba in his own room when he turns 6 months as we are advised to do. I already know that it will be hard. I know I will get better sleep and all, but I want him next to me longer… I must be strong, I don’t want him to turn into a needy baby. No, actually I want! Good luck with the rest of the mortgage…
    #bigpinklink and #anythinggoes
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    • July 4, 2016 / 10:44 am

      Thank you lovely! It is hard but it’s the next step and that feels good too 🙂 it actually shocked me feeling this way! Ahh the mortgage, best just not think about that one toooo much 😉 xx

  7. July 4, 2016 / 11:15 am

    I think I’ve read the same poem and you’re right of course, human nature and monotony mean you can’t approach every special moment like it might be the last time. But she’s such a big girl now to be in her own space and undeniably that signifies big change – how lovely to capture it in writing as a way to process the happy / sad feelings. I hope you find something else to fill the space in the room and get stuck into a good book #triballove
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    • July 4, 2016 / 1:29 pm

      Aw thank you lovely – I think I’m getting used to it already and she seems quite happy in her own little room! Now to find a book 😉 xx

  8. July 4, 2016 / 11:20 am

    I remember when I moved Mini into her own room. Our next door neighbour had a little baby shortly after I moved in and I managed to convince myself that although the crying was quiet, it MUST have been her crying and no next door! Of course she was fast asleep and snoring but I got myself in such a tissy that I ended up sleeping in the spare bed for a week! Eventually I learnt that she didn’t need me and the next big step was teaching myself to sleep with the door open! (That was of course until the sleep regression and I cursed her for not sleeping in her own room!) Lucy xx #triballove
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    • July 4, 2016 / 1:31 pm

      Ah it’s so hard letting go, but you’re totally right- you just have to accept that they no longer need us right there. Lots more to come in the sleep dept I’m sure! Thank you for commenting xx

  9. July 4, 2016 / 11:45 am

    That’s the Popple’s favourite sleeping position too! I’m so glad the bedroom move has gone well. The Popple has been in her own from since she was 6 months, but I slept in there with her up until about a month ago because she woke up so frequently. Now that she sleeps through the night (!) or only wakes up once, I’m back in the master bedroom now – and back to dealing with my husband’s snoring. Sigh. #bigpinklink
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    • July 4, 2016 / 1:33 pm

      Haha! Hopefully it’ll encourage her to sleep through a bit more, though she’s still waking once in the night so no immediate change (sob). It seems we’re either putting up with baby snoring or hubby snoring 😉 thanks for commenting! Xx

  10. July 4, 2016 / 12:45 pm

    I don’t want to think of the first night baby girl has to go in her own room. She is such a good sleeper that I don’t want to disturb that. At 5 months old I think it will be while before she moves into her own room.

    #triballove xx
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    • July 4, 2016 / 1:36 pm

      You know what, I said in the early months that I’d move her at 5-6 months and the time came and I just knew she wasn’t ready (the room also wasn’t ready). I think you just know when the right time is for both of you and there’s no rush at all. Thank you for reading x

  11. July 4, 2016 / 1:15 pm

    Oh bless you sweet. Alyssa is moving into hers within the next week or so and im excited but sad at the same time… it’s so hard. I hope that it works for us both.

    • July 4, 2016 / 1:37 pm

      Got my fingers crossed for you – I’ve found it pretty hard and I think the sadness is inevitable. It feels like yesterday she was a teeny baby! Thanks for the lovely comment x

  12. July 4, 2016 / 2:26 pm

    Oh its such a milestone isnt it. they look so tiny and helpless in a big room all by themselves but they love it. Our little one slept better when she went into her own room! We must have been keeping her awake haha #bigpinklink
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    • July 4, 2016 / 2:30 pm

      I think the same thing! Maybe I’m louder than I realise 😉 thank you for commenting xx

  13. July 4, 2016 / 3:40 pm

    Oh bless! I’m glad it went well but I totally relate to missing them – my eldest has always preferred to sleep with us but now hes 3 it happens less and less, even though I know its better for all of us I cant help but miss the snuggles and feet in my back! #anythinggoes
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    • July 5, 2016 / 9:02 am

      It’s funny how you miss it in the end, after months of wishing it would be different. Thank you for your lovely comment x

  14. July 4, 2016 / 5:02 pm

    I’m glad everything went well for the first night. You’re right about the ‘ what do I do now’ feeling. We left our twins until they physically wouldn’t fit any more, in their Moses baskets, because we knew we wouldn’t be having any more children and I wanted to keep them in there for as long as possible. I hope you soon get used to the feeling and can begin to savour the next chapter.

  15. July 4, 2016 / 5:34 pm

    Aww, we moved Georgia into her own room when she was about 10 weeks old. She was quite a big baby back then (she was 8lb 11 when she was born), and liked to stretch out – but woke herself up in her moses basket.

    I still miss not seeing her, but we had to completely swap the room around to have her in our room – I had to sleep on the other side of the bed for starters which was weird.

    One thing I don’t like at the minute is popping my head through the door to watch her sleep – her door makes a noise as you open it so I daren’t go in.

    I’m hoping in the new house that I’ll be able to pop in before bed to check on her 🙂 x
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    • July 5, 2016 / 9:00 am

      So funny as there is a creak in the floorboard as you enter Emma’s room too…she slept til 8am this morn and I daren’t go in just in case 😉 thank you for commenting x

  16. July 4, 2016 / 8:54 pm

    Glad it went ok, I remember feeling very weird when the twins moved into their room it felt very quiet. xx #AnythingGoes

    • July 5, 2016 / 8:57 am

      Thank you, it was very quiet last night and now she is sleeping through more – it is something new to get used to. Thank you for commenting x

  17. July 5, 2016 / 11:21 am

    It is such a bittersweet moment, isn’t it? Glad it went well. Time does fly by and in a whizz, the kids grow up so quickly and yes, we should cherish every moment. #bigpinklink
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  18. July 5, 2016 / 11:22 am

    Definitely a big move, but I think you all handled it so well. I’m happy to hear the first night went smoothly <3 Here I am, at 15 months, still not able to get my son to sleep in his own crib! Oy, though I can definitely relate to the strange feeling you're referring to. Made me think back to my first night in the hospital-what an odd night that was-completely life changing! Thanks for sharing (: #MarvMondays
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  19. July 5, 2016 / 8:57 pm

    Glad to hear the first night went well and I see you have a curled-up-in-a-ball-belly sleeper ( I have one too) I never understand how they can sleep like that it looks so uncomfortable I know I couldn’t sleep like that. #marvmondays

    • July 6, 2016 / 9:50 am

      It’s so funny isn’t it, I would get a dead leg in that position but they love it! Thanks for reading x

  20. July 6, 2016 / 7:37 am

    It’s a milestone! A was in and out of our room for a year before he was happy haha, and we’re going to have to have #2 with us for a while as like you, we can’t afford to get the bedrooms finished quite yet! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • July 6, 2016 / 9:50 am

      Thank you, it was a bit of a wait but worth it in the end! Fab to join in your linkie x

  21. July 6, 2016 / 7:23 pm

    Oh I think it’s such a big step putting them in their own room. I didn’t find it too hard with my first, but It took me 10 months with my youngest and I was very ambivalent about it, I may have even brought him back into our room for an extra few weeks… But he is in his own room now and sleeping brilliantly, better than he did with us so it’s obviously for the best. Well done on taking a big step it is a hard one but you acclimatise pretty easy xx #bigpinklink

  22. July 7, 2016 / 10:35 am

    So happy to hear Emma’s first night went well. I remember when we moved Leo into his own room at 6months old, I was so desperate to have my room back and to be able to read/watch tv whatever but once he moved into his room it all felt so strange and I didn’t want to do any of those things. Don’t worry though, those feelings won’t last long and soon you’ll be happy to have your bedroom back xx #anythinggoes

  23. July 8, 2016 / 6:35 pm

    I hope it continues to go well for you all! I remember this step being very hard. On one hand you want a little time to yourself but at the same time miss and worry about them. Our next step is a toddler bed. #TribalLove

  24. July 10, 2016 / 10:33 pm

    It’s certainly a big step, and I hope it is still going well! Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes linky


  25. July 17, 2016 / 9:52 am

    I remember that first night well I slept worse than the first night at home with them as newborns, you would have thought that having done it 2 times already it would have been easier but it was just as hard as the first time. it’s at these moments that we realise our babies are growing up fast xxx

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