Let’s Choose Kindness

Yesterday someone’s Facebook status made me sad. That someone mentioned how she had seen adverts in her local coffee shop for kids classes and that we need to stop hothousing our kids. A few weeks ago, I remember seeing another message about an NCT class having a coffee and how inconsiderate they were with their buggies. I wanted to reply to her status but stopped myself knowing no good could come of it, but it got me thinking. When did we shut the door on kindness and let in all this judgement?

I am the first to admit that the reason the above comments hit a nerve is because they are so close to home. I’m the mother who takes her little girl to swimming, sensory, baby signing and music lessons. I’m also the mother that is sometimes desperate for a coffee and gets in the way in a busy cafe. I’m the mother who is almost always 10 minutes late to anything and forgets arrangements more than a few times a week. It’s easy to judge me on the above things – some might say I do too many activities with her, all I see is how much she enjoys them. Some might say I should put her first and forget about my caffeine fix but the reality is you don’t want to know the ‘me’ without a coffee!

judging kindness quote

I was sad reading these opinions on Facebook about new mothers as it took me right back to when Emma was young. When the health visitor would come over and see me with sick all over my jumper that I had been wearing for days, unbrushed hair and clutching my coffee cup with a Kung Fu grip. She would ask me how long the milk bottle had been there before I fed Emma and if I knew how to sterilise bottles properly. I remembered how judged I felt every moment of the day, as the sleep deprivation clouded everything and all was left was a quivering lip and imminent tears. So blatant judgement, even in a passive aggressive way on social media, left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

I hope these messages I saw are just a few snapshot moments of judgement that don’t amount to anything bigger. I want to believe that the sisterhood is better than that – that we’re not all just judging each other’s lives and making grand opinions known public if it doesn’t tally with our own experiences. It’s such a depressing thought that it’s women on women and we can’t just ‘be’. I want to believe in the good of people, in the kindness of people.

conetmplating kindness

So here’s to being a bit kinder, to those around us, to ourselves, to our family. Here’s to remembering that every day is not always easy and sometimes a smile here or there does actually make a big difference. Here’s to knowing that while it’s not possible to walk a mile in everybody’s shoes, it is possible to be mindful of how you express your opinions. Here’s to support and love every time.

Linked to #abrandnewday


  1. June 14, 2016 / 1:51 pm

    The first time I went out with baby girl in her pram we went to a coffee shop. It was hard to manoeuvre around the table and chairs and I accidentally clipper a table with the wheel. Well I got tuts and stared at. It made me feel horrible and useless. I haven’t been back to that one since.
    I find myself laughing about it now as I was a new pram driver and I have no spatial awareness as it is!

    Rachel Bustin recently posted…4 Month Baby ReviewMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:06 pm

      Aw bless you, I hate those death stares when you bump into things! I have to be honest and say that I am still that mum bumping into the doorframes when leaving cafes…. Thank you for commenting lovely xx

  2. June 14, 2016 / 3:20 pm

    It’s horrible to feel judged by people, especially in those early days of parenting when you’re just trying to work things out. I’ve been lucky not to have anyone say anything to me directly, but sometimes the stares are enough to make you feel uncomfortable. I also feel like people are quick to judge on social media because they don’t have to express their opinions directly to someone’s face – they proabably wouldn’t say half these things otherwise.
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…Let’s hear it for DaddyMy Profile

    • June 14, 2016 / 3:24 pm

      You’re absolutely right there, it’s quite easy to hide behind your keyboard. Thank you for commenting x

  3. June 15, 2016 / 8:30 am

    I find I over judge myself on all these scenarios and worry what other people think! Great shout out to get people to remember not to be so judgemental, I feel I need to learn this lesson for myself too. I don’t think I judge people on social media though as it can be misinterpreted easily! Thanks for linking to #abrandnewday
    Karen recently posted…A Brand New Day 12My Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:11 pm

      Thank you – it’s hard to not worry about what people think! I have to remind myself too as I find sometimes it’s so easy to be judgmental.. Thank you for hosting #abrandnewday 🙂

  4. June 15, 2016 / 10:49 am

    I love this. We could all do with being kinder – being mean and judgemental affects our own wellbeing. If we all spread a little kindness we could change the world 🙂 #AbrandNewDay

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:14 pm

      Thank you – that’s such a lovely thought, I think a little bit of kindness could make such a difference too!

  5. June 15, 2016 / 11:12 am

    hear hear! why are we all so judgemental and shitty at times, when there really is not need. Does it even change anything? nope! Just carry on with your day and let others do theirs however they see fit without having a cow about it. My mum always says “if you haven’t got anything nice and positive to say, then don’t say anything” and I absolutely agree! fab post! #abrandnewday

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:15 pm

      Absolutely! It’s so bizarre that we feel the need to give our opinion when it doesn’t matter that much to our own days…thank you for your lovely comment x

  6. June 15, 2016 / 3:01 pm

    I’m such a “campaigner” for kindness. We mothers need all the smiles we can get. We never know when our kindness might just change a persons day. Lord knows I could sometimes do with that smile! Lovely post! #abrandnewday
    One Messy Mama recently posted…SOMETHING has to be done?!My Profile

  7. June 15, 2016 / 3:01 pm

    I’m such a “campaigner” for kindness. We mothers need all the smiles we can get. We never know when our kindness might just change a persons day. Lord knows I could sometimes do with that smile! Lovely post! #abrandnewday
    One Messy Mama recently posted…SOMETHING has to be done?!My Profile

  8. June 15, 2016 / 4:13 pm

    I love this, it’s so, SO important to be kind isn’t it? I see it every day, other women judging other women, be that over their choices, their appearance, their parenting. It’s just so un-necessary isn’t it? Fab post, thanks for sharing. #ABrandNewDay
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  9. June 15, 2016 / 7:36 pm

    Your post is so true Bridie. Where I live it is pretty Mummy and Buggy friendly, but there have been times where we have been moaned out for having our buggies in coffee shops etc, as they are in the way. This attitude annoys me, often they are from the coffee shop owners, I wish that they realised that we are the life-blood of their businesses in the day time. A great post, one that highlights the need for more consideration to us Mums, as it’s not always as easy as it can appear to look. Claire x #triballove
    The Pramshed recently posted…Our Holiday to SpainMy Profile

  10. June 15, 2016 / 8:00 pm

    What a lovely post Bridget. I think we all feel judged much of the time! Every time there is a tantrum in public, Im late for something, or forget to do something I feel like a complete mess. If everyone spent more time trying get to help and offer support instead of judge the world would be a kinder place. #abrandnewday
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  11. June 15, 2016 / 8:10 pm

    Oh Bridie, this is so lovely – why is it so hard to be kind or to be empathic? People really can be so quick to judge and I hope that the post will stop some people in their tracks to reflect and be kinder. Well done you for writing this post #triballove x
    justsayingmum recently posted…Justsayingmum Does Vlogging!My Profile

  12. June 16, 2016 / 8:20 am

    Lovely post. We live in a world that can be challenging at times so the last thing we need to do is add to it with judgements. We all need to be a bit kinder to ourselves and each other and share the love=always!
    Emma recently posted…I am being stalked by a silk jumpsuitMy Profile

  13. June 16, 2016 / 10:47 am

    I used to be so judgemental of parents before I had kids. It’s actually embarrassing for me to mention now. I was awful. Now I can relate to other mums and I’m much more relaxed. We really all do need to be kind to each other. #TribalLove
    Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…Food SuccessesMy Profile

  14. June 17, 2016 / 5:49 am

    This is a really lovely post and so glad you’ve opened up about it. Even though i have judgmental thoughts i have a motto to always be kind, always be understanding and put yourself in their shoes. Or of course i just ignore it if i’ve got nothing nice to say lol!

  15. June 17, 2016 / 12:14 pm

    Very well said! I seem guilty of most of the things you confess to, especially the lateness and I remember being judged by my health visitor when my firstborn (also named Emma, now 7) was born. I was young, my daughter didn’t sleep and her dad kept leaving big heavy lumps of industrial stuff around the house that was too heavy for me to lift. We all need to remember not to judge, something we can sometimes all be guilty of!


  16. June 17, 2016 / 7:52 pm

    Yes to this! I’m teaching my boys that kindness is magic, as I honestly think we could make the world a lovelier place with a bit more kindness and understanding from everybody. I don’t understand why some people feel the need to moan and make comments about something that is so insignificant to them and their life. Kindness rocks, more please!! #ABrandNewDay

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