Learning to slow down

As we were planning the logistics of the next month, with Hubski abroad, we both realised that it would be wise to get some help. Just a few hours here and there to take the pressure off.

I was a little hesitant at first, partly because I like to think that I am in control of everything and hate to admit that I need the help. But deep down, it’s also the intense mama guilt I feel – do I really need a few hours away from my daughter who I love more than anything in the world? Why does this make me feel like a bad mum? After all, until this point we do everything together: if I need to go to the supermarket, or exercise class, or shopping or seeing a friend, Emma comes with me. I want to be able to do it all, to juggle my needs, Emma’s needs and every aspect of our family life without the need to ย escape and be alone with my thoughts.


Wednesdayย was our first day with our Nanny, who is so brilliant with Emma. She arrived and played with Emma, who started crying as soon as I left to get something from the car. But her unflappable nature, her calmness put my mind at ease, when my heart was hurting a little. So here’s my next chapter: learning to let go a little, learning to let people help me. I keep repeating to myself, it’s good for both of us and I’m just really lucky that we’re in a position to have someone help me out.

After our Nanny went home, I did feel Emma was more clingy to me – which is saying something as she is naturally a very independent baby, but I think it’s quite normal. She did also seem very excited and appreciative that I was back and we had a lovely afternoon playing…I was on my phone less because I had had some time to myself and I felt more in the moment with her, which makes me truly happy.

As a result of all these ponderings, I’ve decided to make a promise to myself…to stop being so hard on myself. I’ve noticed that if anything goes awry with Emma – like the time she had nappy rash, or when she projectile vomited after I gave her Calpol for the first time, or when I mistimed her nap and she was screaming in the car all the way to my parents’ house – I always blame myself 100%. I do this without even thinking about it, and now I’m going to make a conscious effort to slow down, rush less and not worry so much.

So the following day, our second afternoon with the Nanny – I made an effort to do something just for me. I took a walk in the park nearby; this is the park I take Emma every day but it has the most beautiful views all the way to the sea and I love it. It made me happy – I really took my time and enjoyed the time to myself. On my way back I had a coffee too, just me watching the world go by, and it struck me how long it’s been since I didn’t drink my coffee like it’s water! It felt great not to be rushing around and just take a moment to breathe.


Quite Frankly She Said
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
This Mum's Life


  1. April 2, 2016 / 10:31 am

    I love your writing. It is so true that we take the blame without even thinking about it. My boy is 5 years old now and I thought he would be a little more independence – but now he still as clingy and wanting to hold my hand when we go out and about. But that okay – because I love it. Thank you so much for linking up your lovely post with us. #FabFridayPost

    • April 4, 2016 / 8:18 am

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment – it’s lovely to appreciate the times when they really need us as it won’t last for too long! Thank you for hosting x

  2. April 2, 2016 / 11:34 am

    Such a great idea for you to take time out for you. Sometimes I think we need that to clear our heads. Always so busy being there for everyone else. #fabfridaypost

    • April 4, 2016 / 8:13 am

      Thank you, it’s great to be able to have a little time out. Thanks for commenting! x

  3. April 3, 2016 / 7:33 pm

    It’s so important to take care of yourself too! Glad you found a few moments of peace. #happydays

    • April 4, 2016 / 8:12 am

      It’s so true, taking care of yourself is important ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for commenting x

  4. min1980
    April 3, 2016 / 9:15 pm

    There’s no need to feel guilty about needing a bit of time to yourself every now and again. Glad you got to drink a lovely hot coffee and just relax for a bit. We all need that sometimes. #KCACOLS

    • April 4, 2016 / 8:11 am

      Thank you, it’s so nice to take a bit of time out to relax for a little bit. Thanks for commenting x

  5. April 4, 2016 / 7:48 am

    I’m so jealous you have a nanny! Great idea! #KCACOLS

    • April 4, 2016 / 7:53 am

      Ah thank you – it is making a difference but don’t think I can justify it when hubby is back ๐Ÿ˜‰ thanks for commenting x

  6. April 4, 2016 / 8:23 am

    I am so glad you did this – it’s so important to have a bit of me time. It’s easier said than done sometimes but it really helps you reflect and feel calm and in turn baby picks up on your happy vibes and is also happy! So glad you shared this xx #bigpinklink

    • April 4, 2016 / 8:28 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment – it does seem to be a really good thing and the calmness when I return makes the rest of the day so much happier! x

  7. cydneyhelsdown
    April 4, 2016 / 9:43 am

    I’m so similar to this, since moving to Bournemouth and running my own businesses, my son is with me 24/7 he goes everywhere i go, but as of next week he’ll be starting preschool and i’m admitting that i can’t wait to have 3 whole hours of alone time, for me, or to focus on my passions. I too am my own worst enemy but like you say it’s so important to slow down and put yourself first sometimes, so you can be a better you and a better mum
    This was a really lovely post!

    – Cydney

  8. April 4, 2016 / 6:38 pm

    It’s so important to take some time for yourself, to just do something alone. It can be a bit overwhelming spending every moment with your kids without a break. My boy recently started play school, the first time he went I felt guilty and a bit strange but now I love my 3 hours of me time a week to do with as I please. I hope everything keeps going well with the Nanny xx #bigpinklink

    • April 4, 2016 / 7:02 pm

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment – it seems to be going well again this week so fingers crossed. I’m definitely getting used to the time away to do some things for myself. Thanks for commenting xx

  9. April 4, 2016 / 7:14 pm

    Time to yourself is such a double edged sword ,isn’t it?! On the one hand, it’s so ridiculously needed, but on the other, as soon as we get some, we immediately feel guilty about it. But both of those things are natural, and it is so important to have time to yourself. My oldest started nursery in January, and until then, I had been the only person to care for both children (apart from having my husband helping at weekends when he wasn’t working, but even then, I never took ‘time off.’) for 3 years, and it was starting to make me a worse mother than I would’ve liked, because I was so desperate for the pressure to be off, that I was growing irritable, and frustrated. But for the first month he was there (1&1/2 days a week,) I couldn’t relax because of the guilt. I’ve still got my youngest with me, but get some time alone when he’s napping, and he’s starting in September, and I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t wait!!
    I could really feel your sense of relaxation at having a lovely walk, and the joy of slowly drinking a hot coffee!! Enjoy every second, you deserve it!!
    Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink!

    • April 4, 2016 / 7:47 pm

      Aww thank you – what a lovely comment!It is so tricky, you want the time off to yourself but feel so bad when she leaves crying and looking at you like ‘why aren’t you coming?’. It is lovely to have a bit of time to clear your head and just be…and hot coffee that hasn’t been reheated 5 times!! xx

  10. April 4, 2016 / 8:59 pm

    It must be so hard at first to leave your daughter, and I’m so glad that you enjoyed your time in the park and savoured a coffee. I’ve hardly left my little one who is 8 months old, just to have my hair cut. She’s due to go to nursery in June when I go back to work, and I think it’ll be the hardest ever to leave her, but I know that in a few days I’ll be fine and she’ll be fine too. Claire x #KCACOLS

  11. April 4, 2016 / 9:45 pm

    As a mother, to take time out for yourself is probably one of the hardest things to do. We desperately want it but find it hard to find the time or energy to do it. Also, when you are used to spend all your time catering for the needs of your kids it makes you can’t help but feel guilty that you just left so that you could have a break. I’m glad you enjoyed your ‘me time’. All mothers need it sometimes x

    • April 4, 2016 / 9:47 pm

      Thank you for your supportive comment, it’s so comforting to know that other people have felt the same way. It’s good to take a bit of time to yourself sometimes x

  12. April 5, 2016 / 7:06 am

    As mums we are always feeling guilty – guilty about doing things wrong or not spending enough time with our children. Well done for taking a break, it sounds like you both enjoyed the benefits of it! #BigPinkLink x

    • April 5, 2016 / 7:37 am

      Thanks Cheryl, it’s crazy feeling guilty isn’t it?! Many thanks for commenting x

  13. rightroyalmother
    April 5, 2016 / 6:54 pm

    Totally relate to this. I love your writing too. You have been incredibly nice about my blog in the last few weeks and I’ve never really said ‘thank you’ but please know that I’m reading your posts and I am with you! NG is in nursery/with childminder two days a week, leaving me with just the baby (NC) but my husband is out of the house from 6am to 9pm so I really do do it alone. It’s tough. And time out is imperative. Well done for leaving the guilt behind – you have to to stay sane! #bigpinklink

    • April 5, 2016 / 8:17 pm

      Thank you so much – so lovely of you. I only started my blog recently, so it means a lot that you like the writing ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s so tough sometimes and taking time out is the only thing to keep me sane at the moment…our nanny is brilliant at just taking her out for a walk so I don’t feel guilty for not being there. Hope you get some time out too x

      • rightroyalmother
        April 5, 2016 / 8:25 pm

        That’s what you need – I try and ‘persuade’ my husband to take the three of them (we have a massive dog too!) out at the weekends just for half an hour and I BREATHE. Thanks lovely. I have to keep reminding myself that this bit will pass so quickly I’ll probably miss it in a couple of years’ time! xx

        • April 5, 2016 / 9:27 pm

          You know that’s exactly what I said to my husband the first day we had the nanny, “it’s just given me a chance to breathe”. But with you with feeling it will go quickly! xx

          • rightroyalmother
            April 8, 2016 / 9:44 pm

            I don’t think people really get it until they’ve had a child/children ALL DAY EVERY DAY for a sustained period. It’s vital. I get 2 hours tomorrow morning – can’t WAIT!!

  14. April 7, 2016 / 7:43 pm

    I think you made a good choice there. Show the guilt trip the door and enjoy some ‘me time’. It can be very intense on your own with one child. #KCACOLS

    • April 8, 2016 / 4:03 pm

      Hear hear- I’ve definitely said goodbye to guilt tripping myself! Thank you for your kind comment x

  15. April 7, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    Enjoy the help and try not to feel guilty. I think Mum’s always beat themselves up about me time but we should all learn not too. That park sounds amazing. #kcacols lifeinthemumslane

    • April 8, 2016 / 3:59 pm

      Thank you for commenting, even since writing this post I’m getting better at not feeling guilty! It’s such a good thing to lighten the load and I really feel more in the moment when I return. x

  16. April 8, 2016 / 10:29 am

    There’s nothing wrong with asking for help in any respect, but I’m glad you feel like you are slowing down and relinquishing your worries and guilt ๐Ÿ™‚ that time by yourself must’ve been wonderful, and it sounds like you needed it ๐Ÿ™‚ #BigPinkLink ๐Ÿ™‚

    • April 8, 2016 / 3:57 pm

      Thank you lovely, I’m learning slowly the things that make me more calm and balanced and in turn a better mum…the time to myself has been helpful ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for commenting xx

  17. April 8, 2016 / 11:27 am

    I think it’s fab that you have a nanny as it will do you both the world of good. Yip I know what you mean about blaming yourself, I think we as mommies are constantly hard on ourselves and tend to blame ourselves without a second thought. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.xx

    • April 8, 2016 / 3:55 pm

      Thank you so much, it’s so hard to remember to be kinder to myself! However since writing this, I’ve felt so much calmer and happier since having a bit of time to myself. Thanks for commenting, loved joining in your linky xx

  18. April 8, 2016 / 3:12 pm

    It is so important to try to get some “me time”. We all should do this as much as we can because that will make us happy and when we are happy then we are better parents and subsequently our kids are happier kids too! It is all a circle of life I think!! I’m glad to hear that you managed to do that!! You never should feel bad for asking for help. I was like that with my eldest daughter. I never had a nanny. I regretted so much!! Now with my second daughter I’m more relaxed and I’m finally ready to ask for help and I really enjoy that time off!! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is great having you for the first time and I hope that you like it. I was so pleased to see that you have commented a lot within the linky! Thank you so much. I really appreciate that! I would love if you can join us again on Sunday! ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

    • April 8, 2016 / 3:52 pm

      Thank you for the supportive message, I agree totally – the circle of life is all about juggling the balance and I’m so pleased I was encouraged to get some help. It’s so lovely to join #KCACOLS for the first time, so many great blogs to read- it was a pleasure commenting and I hope to get a chance to read more! See you next time ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  19. April 8, 2016 / 10:34 pm

    Finding time for ourselves is so important but it’s something I rarely manage to do. I’m glad you got some time for you. Thanks for linking up to #HappyDaysLinky x

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