I’ll Be A Good Friend Soon

I have always prided myself on being a good friend, a good listener, but since having a baby all that has changed. I have been sucked into this world of which nappies and wipes are best, should we breastfeed or bottle feed, how on earth to begin the mammoth task that is weaning? I’m totally consumed with keeping my little girl alive and kicking that I’ve lost who I used to be.

Friend Image - Source Unsplash

I miss that girl – the carefree me that would spontaneously go for drinks, loved the craziness of the N155 night bus and made sure she made it home before Chicken Cottage shut. I miss my friends, and I know they miss me too. So an apology to those friends I have loved for most of my life, who are always with me through thick and thin: I promise your good friend will be back soon.

  • I’m sorry when we talk, my eyes are wandering and my mind is thinking about what I am going to give Emma for dinner. I wish I could focus and be in the moment but all I want is for her to be happy and not have a tantrum in Costa, which she so loves to do.
  • I’m sorry when she does have a tantrum, our coffee is cut short and we have to leave almost immediately. You never judge me for this and always reassure me that I’m doing the best job in the world, though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
  • I’m sorry it’s always you coming to me at the moment. I long for the days when I can come up to London and we can have some time together like old times. You always say how much you love the seaside and want to come, but I know it must seem like it’s all one sided.
  • I’m sorry I often moan about how little sleep I am getting – it’s one of the only thing consuming my mind and I love how understanding you always are. My thoughts are so often curiosity as to what I could achieve if I had just 3 or 4 hours unbroken sleep…
  • I’m sorry we don’t talk much about your lives and I’m not as involved in the day to day news. What I’ve never told you is how hearing your news makes me feel like an adult again. It takes me away from the poo, wee and weaning talk, and back to the person I used to be and I love that.
  • I’m sorry I’m not the friend I used to be, I know I’m not present enough. But I promise that will change soon – it’s just now I’m so busy and my focus has to be here.

And thank you – for listening to my tears in the first few months, for making me laugh at 3am at the frustration of being hurled out of my bed and for being there at my little girl’s birthday, by my side. All of it means the world to me and I love you very much.

Linked up to #ablogginggoodtime and #fortheloveofBLOG


  1. June 16, 2016 / 6:30 pm

    Aww I love this. I often feel the same way. My life is obviously very different now we have Clem, and most of my friends live in Central London and don’t have kids. We used to spend our nights at rock clubs, going to all-nighters at the cinema, getting super muddy in a field at a festival, and I do miss all of that and them. I try and have Clem free days out with them, but I still spend half my time worrying about her even though I know she will be fine. I guess that’s all part of being a mum. #ablogginggoodtime
    Ky @ Clementine.rocks recently posted…Blogging and Life Goals – An UpdateMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:41 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment – I think you’re right, it’s all part of it and the change with friends is inevitable. It’s hard not to worry about our little ones all the time! xx

  2. June 16, 2016 / 7:19 pm

    Oh it sounds like you have got some seriously lovely friends…unsurprisingly – you seem pretty lovely yourself. I know exactly what you mean. It can be hard on both sides. The true friends will be there both ways though and all friendships evolve. Xx
    Lucy at occupation: (m)other recently posted…Creative Mothers Series – The Squirmy PoppleMy Profile

  3. June 16, 2016 / 8:04 pm

    What a beautiful dedication for your friend, I hope she has read it and I bet she loved it. Your friend sounds wonderful! It is hard to keep a grip of who we are when we have kids but like it or not they do change us. There is always time for good friends though Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime
    An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…A blogging good time #3My Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:45 pm

      Thank you – it was lovely to be able to write a tribute for her. It is inevitable that things change as parenthood is such a huge change in life 🙂 Thank you for hosting #ablogginggoodtime , so lovely to join in xx

  4. June 17, 2016 / 9:04 pm

    This is very close to my heart at the moment. I lost touch with my very best friend for a while so I wrote her a letter apologising and explaining how all consuming I have found becoming a mother. It is hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it yet x #ablogginggoodtime
    Emilie recently posted…Make Gentle the Life of this WorldMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:47 pm

      I couldn’t agree with you more, it’s hard to explain the hormonal shift, tiredness and everything that comes in between to people without kids…I hope you have been able to re-connect with your friend. Thank you for your comment x

  5. June 18, 2016 / 8:02 am

    So lovely to have a friend that you know will be there for you . The baby stage is so consuming – sounds like she will be there for you when you emerge , blinking , from the haze . #fortheloveof blog

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:48 pm

      Thank you for reading, I think she will and it was so nice to be able to write this for her 🙂

  6. June 18, 2016 / 8:18 am

    This is truly truly beautiful. Kids most certainly do change us. Your friend sounds so so lovely and you don’t lose friends like this #fortheloveofBLOG

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:49 pm

      Thank you for such a lovely comment – I think the change is inevitable but so comforting to know that close friends will always be there x

  7. June 18, 2016 / 8:31 am

    Having children changes a person. It must be difficult for the friend, but also difficult for the parent. I do wonder what my friends back in England think. Maybe I should ask them. #TribalLove #fortheloveofBLOG
    Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…The Pet TagMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:51 pm

      Thank you Sarah, I think you’re right – it’s difficult on both sides, but good friends are usually right there when things have calmed down a bit 🙂

  8. June 18, 2016 / 8:41 am

    Aww Bridie this is totally gorgeous and your friends are lucky to have you – you are one of the warmest people I know out there – it comes across in everything you write and comment on – your friends will not be going anywhere else in a hurry for sure #fortheloveofBLOG
    justsayingmum recently posted…Justsayingmum Does Vlogging!My Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:52 pm

      Aww Helen thank you for such a gorgeous comment, it’s so lovely to see that those friends will be right there when things are less chaotic! Thank you so much for reading xx

  9. June 18, 2016 / 9:39 am

    I’m sure your friends understand – having a baby is a HUGE life change. I know what you mean, though – I rarely see my friends these days because I can’t just swing by the pub or do something last minute like I used to. None of them have kids yet, but when they do, it will make things much easier – we can do play dates that are also mum dates! #fortheloveofBLOG
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…How to get your baby to sleep in one easy stepMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:53 pm

      That’s what I’m looking forward to too – mum dates will be the best when my friends have babies! Thank you for your comment xx

  10. June 18, 2016 / 11:52 am

    your friend sounds so lovely and understanding. i think it can be hard for people without children to understand what a massive shift it is, and this post sums it up really well. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Kate recently posted…The Five Step Plan For Preventing Early WakingsMy Profile

  11. June 18, 2016 / 1:11 pm

    What a lovely post. We are certainly all guilty of doing what you describe here. But you must be a very good friend still as your mates are still in contact with you #fortheloveofBLOG

  12. June 18, 2016 / 1:53 pm

    Ah it sounds like you have some amazing friends! I know what you mean, inevitably friendships will change and of course our priorities as mothers are completely different. I am one of the first in my friendship group to have a baby but everybody has been really supportive. I do sometimes miss just going for a beer after work or being up at 3am because I’ve been dancing rather than feeding a baby! All par for the course though. For what it’s worth I am certain they still consider you a great friend my love. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Ellen recently posted…Wires, cushions & feet: my baby’s favourite playthingsMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:57 pm

      Thank you lovely – I am the first in our group to have a baby too, so I’m sure it will change again if they decide to have a bubba! It’s lovely to know that good friends are always there for you xx
      bridiebythesea recently posted…#MySundayPhoto – 19th June 2016My Profile

  13. June 18, 2016 / 1:56 pm

    I feel like I need to say this to all of my friends as well. It just seems like I never have the time to be the good friend that I want to me. And most of my friends don’t have kids so I feel like they probably don’t understand. Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts it makes me not feel so alone about it. #TribalLove
    Sarah@teammomlife recently posted…My Summer Bucket ListMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 2:58 pm

      Ah I’m so glad you can relate to this – it’s difficult when friends aren’t quite in the same place as you…it’s hard to understand the tiredness and overwhelming feeling when you become a mum. Thank you for such a lovely comment xx

  14. June 18, 2016 / 3:08 pm

    Awww it’s great that you have such wonderful friends! There just isn’t enough time to go hang out & chat to friends as much as we used to. When you do get together it’s really special then! #ablogginggoodtime
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…My Life Changing QuotesMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:00 pm

      Thank you for your comment – ah you’re right there, it makes the time when we meet up so special and we really treasure it! Xx

  15. June 18, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    I think when we become parents we find our real friends. The ones that take the moaning and all the running around for us. But they are the best friends, the real ones. #fortheloveofBLOG xx

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:01 pm

      I agree with you there, you notice the real friends who come and visit and listen to the moaning with no questions asked! Thank you for commenting x

  16. June 19, 2016 / 7:08 am

    I love this post Bridie, I feel exactly the same as you. All your points ring so true to me. Before I had my little girl I regularly saw my friends, we went out loads, I had time for them. Like you say now when I do see them I am worrying about when her last sleep was, when did she last feed, what did she eat, is she is ok etc…..Every now again I have moments when I feel like I’m doing something I did before I had my daughter, like being out in London, or having a beer at the end of the day. When I do see my friends, it’s great, I just wish it was more often. I’m sure that your friends still really value your friendship lovely. Thanks so much for joining us this week at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
    The Pramshed recently posted…The end of maternity leaveMy Profile

    • June 19, 2016 / 3:03 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment – it’s funny how things change and you really crave that time together as those moments are far and few between. I’m really pleased you liked the post and thank you for hosting #fortheloveofBLOG 🙂
      bridiebythesea recently posted…#MySundayPhoto – 19th June 2016My Profile

  17. June 20, 2016 / 12:53 pm

    I love this and can totally relate – being a good friend has always been so important to me but since becoming a Mum I have definitely struggled with giving people the time they deserve. Having a conversation is sometimes impossible and I’m always so time restricted. I know it won’t always be this way though. Lovely post xx

  18. June 23, 2016 / 10:20 pm

    I can relate to the rare catch ups cut short by tantrums / extraction. It’s frustrating because my friends are scattered round the country.

    I spend a worrying amount of time being a better friend to people I’ve never met than my own.

    Thank you for sharing your fears and guilt. I hope it helps to reassure you that you are doing the best you can in the circumstances.


  19. June 24, 2016 / 1:35 am

    Well said. I think every mom goes through this, especially if she’s the first one to have kids. I felt so alone when I had my first son and my friends were still out living life. Now they have kids, too, and it’s wonderful again, even if we’re not out drinking and tearing up the town. 😉

  20. August 20, 2016 / 10:23 pm

    Everything gets better with sleep 🙂 I dont think non-parents really understand until they become parents, and I think even parents forget as they leave the whole baby stage behind. Its lovely to see it explained so well, I hope lots of people read xx

  21. September 9, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    Aww, this does happen when the bubs are new and it’s hard to be the person you were when time and tiredness are all consuming. My daughter is now 10 and I still have many of the same friendships and more. I think we all go through the different stages at different times and that’s hard but those that are in it for the long haul will always stick around. It’s lovely that your friend is happy to share your ups and downs and is prepared to do more of the doing while you are unable to. There will come the day when you are able to reciprocate with your time and knowledge, which will be very valuable. I remember feeling exactly the same and things will shift. Patience and understanding of the different life stages will always keep friendships going throughout.

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